"Everyone Should Get A Second Chance"
Leonard Lynch starts his day off like any old hit man, coughing up blood. He has a big job today, but first he must visit his wife at the graveyard. His visit is cut short when he has to board his flight in order to get the job done. After setting up his spy machine in the hotel and being able to listen through the walls to his targets, a respected lawyer and his assistant, he comes to find out the lawyer just had a sudden death in the family. Lynch starts to questions his own actions to his late wife. He feels pain and regret. He has a change of heart and must decide whether or not to kill the lawyer before he suffers the consequences.
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Behind the Story
2013 was a year of writing. I graduated from grad school a year prior and I took my learnings and utilized them. I had written individual stories (The Hit, The Betrayal, and Tomorrow Never Comes) and outlined stories (Vinny, Redemption, and Prelude to Darkness) and decided to give them the same villain and put them in a series called, "Bad Karma". In 2014, I wanted to complete two shorts films. I wanted to work on one at a time and do them in order of the series. The first was, "The Betrayal" and the second was, "Tomorrow Never Comes". I really didn't know anyone in the acting community since my first three films were friends and family. I used Craig's List to cast for "The Betrayal". But for the second, there really were no older actors. My wife came across one of her clients who recently told her about his experience working on set. She connected us together and the rest was history. He instantly believed in the project and helped cast some of the actors. The shooting went great. Post-production was on track and when it came time for festivals that went south. A week after we wrapped shooting my first child was born so that put a damper on expenses and festivals were not on the table. Pearce Blair, lead actor of the short film came to my house with a check and we were able to submit the film to multiple festivals. We were selected in a bunch and featured in an online festival promo. To our surprise, we earned a spot in the semi-final position in the Hollywood Screenings Film Festival.
We didn't win any festivals, but this was a success for me. This was my first time making a film with real actors and submitting it to festivals. Not only has the film been selected but also the script for BlueCat Screenplay Competition. Creating this challenge to get two films done in one year has given me the motivation to continue to create. It's important we challenge ourselves every once in a while, we won't know what we're capable of if we don't.
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BlueCat Screenplay Script Analysis
You have constructed an engaging, personal, probing short film script that achieves the bulk of what it sets out to do. To begin with, you utilize very effective scene descriptions that not only keep your script moving at a steady pace, but also don’t bog your reader down with unnecessary details. Additionally you manage to shade in subtle characterization details through your descriptions, which is always beneficial.
You do some really wonderful work in your script by showing us minimalistic details that convey a fair bit. Elements like Leonard’s routine in he morning, his tattoo, and even his attire all tell us a fair bit so that he doesn’t have to. You do the same thing with his coughing and sore back, while never fully telling us what’s going on and letting the audience come to their own conclusions. Even Alison and Paul’s case is moving on in the background and you never really telling us what’s going on with it, instead focusing on the more personal minimalistic story going on within it.
There’s a very efficient subtlety coursing through all of this that’s highlighted in something like a short. Your script benefits from a real succinctness that tell you everything it needs to with a very less is more attitude. There’s a whole backstory going on with the devil tattoos that you never jump into. The same can be said for the flashbacks to Leonard and Lucille in terms of what they choose to highlight and how they’re being used in relation to what’s happening with Paul.
What you do with the Frank character is really wonderful and the deep implication that he is the Devil works considerably well here. Small touches like him wanting “6” hit on the elevator go just far enough without feeling contrived, and you explore this idea of whether he is or isn’t to great effect, whether it be Frank’s references that Leonard is out of time, or even how Frank kills Leonard after Leonard’s had his epiphany and realized what he needs to. It’s great stuff, and it’s subtle enough too tat you could argue it either way. You’ll generate debate, which is what you want from a movie.
It’s a smart, economical idea to intercut with Leonard as he’s listening to Paul and Alison. You get a lot out of it. Similarly, juxtaposing Paul with Leonard is done well and you show how they're two sides of the same coin very effectively.
Lastly, your ending works well enough, comes unexpectedly, and leaves the audience wanting more, with all of this making it a strong closer.
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