Will Lynch kill Paul and Alisun? Can Lynch get over the loss of his wife?
A spy doubts his abilities to kill a respected lawyer when he realizes he's past his prime and begins to regret his chosen career.
BlueCat Screenplay Script Analysis
You have constructed an engaging, personal, probing short film script that achieves the bulk of what it sets out to do. To begin with, you utilize very effective scene descriptions that not only keep your script moving at a steady pace, but also don’t bog your reader down with unnecessary details. Additionally you manage to shade in subtle characterization details through your descriptions, which is always beneficial.
You do some really wonderful work in your script by showing us minimalistic details that convey a fair bit. Elements like Leonard’s routine in he morning, his tattoo, and even his attire all tell us a fair bit so that he doesn’t have to. You do the same thing with his coughing and sore back, while never fully telling us what’s going on and letting the audience come to their own conclusions. Even Alison and Paul’s case is moving on in the background and you never really telling us what’s going on with it, instead focusing on the more personal minimalistic story going on within it.
There’s a very efficient subtlety coursing through all of this that’s highlighted in something like a short. Your script benefits from a real succinctness that tell you everything it needs to with a very less is more attitude. There’s a whole backstory going on with the devil tattoos that you never jump into. The same can be said for the flashbacks to Leonard and Lucille in terms of what they choose to highlight and how they’re being used in relation to what’s happening with Paul.
What you do with the Frank character is really wonderful and the deep implication that he is the Devil works considerably well here. Small touches like him wanting “6” hit on the elevator go just far enough without feeling contrived, and you explore this idea of whether he is or isn’t to great effect, whether it be Frank’s references that Leonard is out of time, or even how Frank kills Leonard after Leonard’s had his epiphany and realized what he needs to. It’s great stuff, and it’s subtle enough too tat you could argue it either way. You’ll generate debate, which is what you want from a movie.
It’s a smart, economical idea to intercut with Leonard as he’s listening to Paul and Alison. You get a lot out of it. Similarly, juxtaposing Paul with Leonard is done well and you show how they're two sides of the same coin very effectively.
Lastly, your ending works well enough, comes unexpectedly, and leaves the audience wanting more, with all of this making it a strong closer.
Leonard Lynch starts his day off like any old hit man, coughing up blood. He has a big job today, but first he must visit his wife at the graveyard. His visit is cut short when he has to board his flight in order to get the job done. After setting up his spy machine in the hotel and being able to listen through the walls to his targets, a respected lawyer and his assistant, he comes to find out the lawyer just had a sudden death in the family. Lynch starts to questions his own actions to his late wife. He feels pain and regret. He has a change of heart and must decide whether or not to kill the lawyer before he suffers the consequences.
*NOTE: I do not own the rights to the above image. It is clearly a depiction representing the story.